I’m kind of stuck right now.
I have a lot of ideas for posts in my head, some that I’ve actually written lengthy drafts of. But I find it a lot harder to hit “publish” these days.
Maybe it’s because Internet culture depresses me. So many online conversations about meaningful topics seem to degenerate into personal attacks, to the point where I tend to avoid any and all comment threads for fear of wanting to crawl into bed for a week. I write something, and then I imagine the kinds of attacks it might generate, and I curl up into a cowardly little ball and don’t share it.
Which is really kind of silly, because I know this blog doesn’t see a huge amount of traffic. (Interestingly, my most popular post remains one I did ages ago on the history of vibrators, though I think a lot of people click on it assuming it’s porn. Same with my posts on Japanese child pornography laws and hostess clubs.) I know that the majority of my readers are people I know. But I have this fear of a post going viral–which would be cool, actually, because I like the thought of a lot of people reading what I write–but at the same time it would be terrifying, because it would open me up to the kind of Internet mob attacks that seem all too commonplace for people who write about sex, gender, feminism, or really any topic that moves beyond the realm of “stuff we all love.”
So I’m going to try to just write stuff for a bit. Feel free to ignore the posts that don’t interest you, especially if you’re subscribed to my blog. I can’t promise that I’ll follow through on this, but I’m going to make a concerted effort to just write and publish things and not dwell too much on how they might be received. Rest assured that not all of it will be navel-gazing. I really hope none of it will be navel-gazing–if I’m bored by something I don’t enjoy writing it, so the one reason that I *will* refrain from publishing something is if I’m bored by it.
Ganbarou. Clicking. Publish. Now.